Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
