walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.