Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
