so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?