Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.

(440): View more from Ohio

I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl

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(440): i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe. (440): I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl http://tfl.nu/33bi

Replies (25) Good night (6661) Bad night (684)
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(404): View more from Georgia

she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.

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(404): she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis. http://tfl.nu/x2kt

Replies (67) Good night (10884) Bad night (1024)
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(804): View more from Virginia

my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.

(1-804): View more from Virginia

I'm on my way.

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(804): my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now. (1-804): I'm on my way. http://tfl.nu/8nvt

Replies (28) Good night (7169) Bad night (941)
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(219): View more from Indiana

So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.

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(219): So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers. http://tfl.nu/p4nm

Replies (7) Good night (2426) Bad night (726)
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(519): View more from Ontario

It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.

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(519): It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well. http://tfl.nu/djcp

Replies (14) Good night (1231) Bad night (3197)
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(219): View more from Indiana

my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.

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(219): my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now. http://tfl.nu/o7hb

Replies (10) Good night (2549) Bad night (891)
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(517): View more from Michigan

Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....

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(517): Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school.... http://tfl.nu/i9vj

Replies (15) Good night (5540) Bad night (865)
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(380): View more from Ohio

She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time

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(380): She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time http://tfl.nu/cp8c

Replies (5) Good night (1162) Bad night (2596)
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(765): View more from Indiana

I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.

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(765): I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in. http://tfl.nu/2iri

Replies (9) Good night (2395) Bad night (720)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.

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(203): She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE. http://tfl.nu/wm9f

Replies (25) Good night (3959) Bad night (1069)
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(503): View more from Oregon

I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.

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(503): I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested. http://tfl.nu/ut9v

Replies (1) Good night (1645) Bad night (1035)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?

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(780): So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends? http://tfl.nu/kqn5

Replies (5) Good night (2992) Bad night (640)
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(310): View more from California

My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."

(323): View more from California

If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.

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(310): My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity." (323): If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing. http://tfl.nu/54s4

Replies (8) Good night (2851) Bad night (709)
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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.

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(570): Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends. http://tfl.nu/utpt

Replies (5) Good night (316) Bad night (802)
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(504): View more from Louisiana

No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you

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(504): No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you http://tfl.nu/ma8s

Replies (2) Good night (221) Bad night (146)

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