i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
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your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
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A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.