when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
