my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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