so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
