Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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