Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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