apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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