Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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