i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
