I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
