I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
