Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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