Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
