Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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