Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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