if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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