I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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