You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
