After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
