can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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