My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The struggles of a small town man whore
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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