PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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