Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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