I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
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I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
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It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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