You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize