Farmville is her only friend.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
