Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
