dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
