I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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