I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Someone shattered a urinal.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You may now shotgun with the bride
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
