I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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