i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
