I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
