It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
