I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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