I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
