I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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