see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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