I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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