I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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