i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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