I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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