there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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