So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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