just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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