Dude my mom stole all your condoms
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
