We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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