I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
