why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
