I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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