Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
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I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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