What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Randomize
