Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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