I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
