and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
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That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
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A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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