Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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