Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
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Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
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When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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