3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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