When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just sent this text using only my big toe
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
