Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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