you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
