stop calling my apartment porn island.
a search helicopter?!
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
