I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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