Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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